


Tricks and Treats

by grayseeker



Series: Scientific Misadventures [3]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Halloween, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Secret Relationship, Skyfire Being Sneaky, Skywarp Causing Trouble, Starscream Feeling Put-Upon, Team as Family, Thundercracker Being Protective, Trine Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:22:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27123787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayseeker/pseuds/grayseeker
Summary: Skywarp has discovered Halloween, which means he wants sweets—and lots of them! But since gold is his sweet treat of choice, where on Earth can he find enough of it to satisfy his cravings?
Relationships: Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers), Skywarp & Starscream & Thundercracker (Transformers), Skywarp/Thundercracker (Transformers)
Series: Scientific Misadventures [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904518
Comments: 36
Kudos: 31





	1. Smoke-Bombs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dark Star Of Chaos (DarkDecepticon)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkDecepticon/gifts).



> This was written for the 2020 [Transform-Or-Treat](https://transform-or-treat.tumblr.com/) Halloween extravaganza. Do check it out for more awesome Halloween-themed TF-y goodness! Many, many thanks to [Justaway_Ninja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justaway_Ninja) for being my awesome beta for this project. Your suggestions really helped me get the story to the next level. <3

Starscream locked his lab door behind him and took a long, hard look around. He was alone. There was no telltale ‘vop’ of teleportation, nor was anyone perched on his work-bench, feet swinging idly as they babbled a string of increasingly nonsensical questions.

 _Hey, Starscream! What about exploding snakes? That’d be cool, right? No—wait! What about sparklers that turn into snakes and_ then _explode? I mean! One second you’re wavin’ a sparkler around, and next it turns into a snake and explodes! Wouldn’t that be nifty?_

“It would not,” Starscream growled, stalking through his now-vacant lab. “It would not be the least bit ‘nifty.’ It would be a puerile, pointless waste of my time and intellect.” He yanked open a supply cupboard, grabbed a sturdy trash bag, and began clearing away the mess. There was glitter. A lot of it, in varying shades of orange, black and purple. Also various accelerants, types of fuses, scraps of hollow, articulated cable meant to resemble snakes, globs of sticky orange resin designed to bond to one’s exo-structure and look… well, gross, and—last but not least—a pumpkin-shaped mold for making inflatable gourds.

Once the last bit of ‘snake’ tubing had disappeared into the bag, Starscream allowed himself a sigh of relief. While he’d accepted long ago that the only sure way to get any uninterrupted lab-time was to appease Skywarp’s need for ever more creative pranking supplies, this event that humans called ‘Halloween’ was testing the limits of his fragile patience. He tossed the bag in the trash receptacle and trudged to his workstation where he paused, one hand on the power-switch.

“Now, where was I?” His gaze settled idly on the holocube that sat beside his workstation. It showed two explorers about to depart Cybertron on a deep space mission. Neither of them had heard of Halloween, which was probably why they both looked so optimistic. “Ah, yes,” he said as he sat down. The screen flickered to life, and the project he’d been working on three days ago, when Skywarp had first invaded his lab, appeared. Within moments he’d re-immersed himself, and was in the throes of some highly sophisticated mental calculations when someone pounded on the door.

“Go away!” Starscream shouted. “I’m busy!”

The knock came again. Louder this time, and more urgent. So much for uninterrupted lab-time. Starscream pushed his chair back with a growl, pausing just long enough to switch off his monitor before he stomped to the door. Whoever his caller was, it couldn’t be Skywarp. Skywarp wouldn’t have knocked; he would have teleported right in and started nattering about his latest prank idea. The only other likely choice was Megatron, who _sometimes_ knocked, but wasn’t always in the mood to respect a locked door. The last thing Starscream wanted was for Megatron to see what he’d been working on. Unlike Skywarp, _he_ might actually figure out what it was.

“I’m coming! Hold on to your trigger-guard, and—” Starscream broke off as the next round of knocks were accompanied by… yes, it was: a faint boom of thunder. A _sonic_ boom, just strong enough to rattle the chemistry glassware on his shelves. He yanked the door open.

“Thundercracker?” Starscream stared at his Trinemate. He wasn’t used to seeing Thundercracker by himself. Normally, Skywarp was at Thundercracker’s side—when he wasn’t haunting Starscream’s lab—and his presence provided a certain buffering influence. Alone, Thundercracker looked… dangerous. Especially with his wings hiked to such an aggressive angle and his fist raised to batter the door again. Or, possibly, Starscream’s face. He looked angry enough to try it, and Starscream took an involuntary step back. “What are you doing here?”

“Is he here?” Thundercracker demanded, peering into the lab. “Please say he is.”

“Is _who_ here?” Starscream asked, irritated at his own reaction. He was the Trineleader, for frag’s sake. He had no reason to feel intimidated by an underling. Thundercracker shoved past him and stalked into the lab, raking his gaze over the shelves, the monitors, the small berth upon which Starscream occasionally slept, and the cabinets filled with supplies and scientific apparatus. “Wow,” he muttered. “Geek Central.”

“What do you want?” Starscream demanded. It occurred to him he couldn’t recall the last time Thundercracker had set foot anywhere _near_ his lab. His presence here seemed ominous. It also occurred to him that he had more to hide than just his secret project. The holocube on his desk was rather incriminating. Normally he shoved it well out of sight before entertaining the few visitors he got down here, but this time he’d forgotten. He edged in front of it, trying to block Thundercracker’s view. “What are you looking for?”

Thundercracker let out a sigh. “I was hopin’ he’d be with you, but…” he reached into his subspace and drew out a plain black metal box. “You know what this is, right?”

Starscream nodded. He’d recognized it instantly. Originally designed to hold specimen-jars, it had recently been repurposed to house smoke-bombs. “What about it?”

“I found it on his berth.” Thundercracker raised the lid. “It was empty. He also cleared out the compartment where he was stashing his other Halloween junk.”

“So?” Starscream adjusted his wings as he spoke, mentally gauging the optimal angle to keep the holocube from Thundercracker’s line of sight. “He’s probably commenced this… Trick-or-Treat nonsense he keeps going on about.” 

Thundercracker shook his head. “Nah. He was saving all that for Halloween, which isn’t for a couple days. I checked.”

“Thirty-six hours,” Starscream corrected automatically. “But what about it? Maybe he’s getting an early start.”

“Maybe.” Thundercracker sounded doubtful. He started to pace, forcing Starscream to turn in his direction to keep his wings in the right position. “But I don’t like it.” He stopped and leveled a glare. “You couldn’t just let him have his fun, could you?”

“What?” Starscream flinched at the note of accusation in his Trinemate’s voice. “You think this is _my_ fault?”

“Who else? You got him interested in human traditions in the first place!”

“Me? I beg your pardon?”

“You encouraged him to go looking for Santa Claus at the North Pole!”

“Just to prove there’s no such thing!”

“Well, he didn’t take it that way! He took it as encouragement.”

“But—” 

“He’s also decided he’s the Easter Bunny.”

_“What?”_

“He’s gonna… I dunno, hide a bunch of eggs in the Command Center or… something.” Thundercracker swept a hand over his forehead, as if trying to push the thought aside. “Human traditions are so bizarre. Anyway, when he got interested in Halloween, _you_ encouraged him.”

“I did no such thing! I merely—”

“Helped him build smoke-bombs? Yeah, exactly.” Thundercracker shook the empty box. “And all that other nonsense, the… fake snakes and stuff. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talkin’ about.”

“If you know so much, how can you claim I wasn’t letting him have his fun?”

“Because!” Thundercracker slammed the box on the nearest table. “Halloween isn’t just about playing tricks!”

“It’s not?” Starscream had been rather under the impression that it was, considering how thoroughly Skywarp had latched onto it. 

“No. Apparently it’s also an excuse for humans to gorge themselves on whatever disgusting food passes for sweets in their weird, organic diet. Well, guess who _else_ likes treats?”

“I…” Starscream’s mind raced. “Wait. Are you talking about the _gold?_ I couldn’t let him keep that!” Earlier that day, Starscream had discovered a sizable bag of gold ore in Skywarp’s quarters. Primus only knew where he’d gotten it from. Starscream allowed his fliers to consume _some_ of the rich, sweet metal, which could be healthy in small quantities. It could strengthen one’s frame by improving flexibility, for example, but in larger quantities it could soften one’s armor and add excess weight, ruining a flier’s aerodynamic performance. "I _am_ the Air Commander,” Starscream pointed out. “I need my fliers combat-ready, and Skywarp was taking on too much ballast.”

“It was just until Halloween,” Thundercracker argued. “You could have waited a couple extra days instead of takin' away all his goodies. Now he’s…”

“What?” Starscream felt a twinge of unease. “What’s going on, Thundercracker?” He realized that in his rush to defend himself, he’d neglected to ask. He’d also forgotten about the holocube, which was now in plain sight if Thundercracker cared to glance in its direction. He didn’t. His gaze was on the empty box which had contained the smoke-bombs. 

“I dunno,” Thundercracker said heavily. “He’s not answering me. He’s run away somewhere—probably to get more treats—but hell if I know where.”

“More treats?” Starscream mused. “If gold is what he’s after, I might have an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Starscream really did encourage Skywarp to go looking for Santa Claus at the North Pole! Details here: [Christmas According to Skywarp](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2756021) by [Dark Star of Chaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkDecepticon).


	2. Fort Knox

“An Earth military installation?” Thundercracker’s tone was skeptical. “What makes you think Warp would be _here?”_

“Because the United States humans are known to keep a large repository of gold at this facility,” Starscream explained. He and Thundercracker were in their jet forms, descending from suborbital height. As they sliced downward through the clouds, the bullion depository appeared beneath them: a square white fortress surrounded by rolling green hills. 

“Huh,” Thundercracker replied. “D’you think Skywarp knows about it?”

“There’s no reason for him not to,” Starscream retorted. “It’s common enough knowledge.” Privately he, too, was eyeing the base with some skepticism. There were a few military vehicles patrolling the area, including aircraft, but no sign of Skywarp.

“Common to _you,_ maybe,” Thundercracker replied with a snort. “To me, this is just looking like an excellent way to get ourselves shot down.” He banked, accelerating away from Starscream with a roar of thrusters. “If Skywarp had come _here,_ I think there’d be some sign of—”

A loud ‘boom’ echoed from below. One side of the base exploded outward and a dark shape emerged from the hole. It was definitely Skywarp, though he was hunched over and moving with a strange gait, as if he was having a hard time walking. 

Thundercracker let out a soft curse. “All right, I take it back. _Now_ what?”

Starscream opened a channel on his comm. “Skywarp! This is your commanding officer. You have no authorization to be here, and I order you to retreat!”

Skywarp’s head jerked up. He stared at Starscream and Thundercracker with a stunned expression, briefly faded from view, and then re-materialized. As he did so, Starscream finally understood why he was walking so strangely. His arms were laden with so many gold bricks that he could barely carry them. More bricks were spilling from his cockpit canopy, which was stuffed to the point where he hadn’t been able to close it properly. 

“C’mon Warp,” Thundercracker entreated. “Drop that stuff and let’s get out of here.”

“No way!” Skywarp set off at a stumbling run, heading for the wooded slope behind the base. A tank emerged from the trees, took aim and fired, catching him in the thigh. He stumbled, nearly dropping his load, but veered off in a different direction. A swarm of helicopters swooped toward him as several more tanks converged on his position. The humans were yelling something. Starscream could hear them over Skywarp’s open comm channel, and though he couldn’t make out what they were saying, it wasn’t hard to guess. 

“Oh for frag’s sake,” Starscream growled, taking aim. A few well-aimed null-ray blasts neutralized both tanks and helicopters, the latter plummeting groundward as their human occupants ejected using parachutes. “Skywarp, you need to—”

“No! You’ll just take my treats away!”

“So will _they,”_ Thundercracker barked, “unless you—”

A missile struck Skywarp in the arm. He yelped, hopping back a step. One of his heel-thrusters landed on a fallen helicopter and he tripped, falling backwards. Gold went everywhere, the bricks thudding down around him and embedding themselves in the surrounding grass. “No!” Skywarp scrambled for his fallen prize. “These are _my_ treats!” He scooped up an armful. As he struggled to rise, a familiar quintet of planes emerged from the clouds and opened fire, their shots strafing the ground near Skywarp’s feet. 

“Great,” Starscream muttered. “The Aerialbots are here. Just what we needed.”

“Drop that gold, Decepticreep!” shouted Silverbolt, the Aerialbot leader.

“Yeah,” called a second Aeriabot, whom Starscream recognized as Slingshot. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you it isn’t nice to take things that aren’t yours?”

“They _are_ mine!” Skywarp shouted back. “Finders, keepers!” In direct contradiction to his own statement, he hurled a gold brick at Slingshot, hitting him square in the nosecone. Slingshot broke formation with the other Aerialbots and transformed. Starscream angled in behind him and hit him with a null-ray blast that sent him tumbling, while Thundercracker attacked the others from above, strafing their wings to ground them. He took out one of Fireflight’s ailerons, and the hapless jet went down, his fellow Aerialbots following him to the ground.

“Ha,” Thundercracker muttered. “So much for amateur hour.”

“Don’t count on it,” Starscream shot back. “They’re going to combine and form Superion, and then we’re really slagged. Skywarp!” he bellowed. “As your commanding officer, I order you to drop that gold and come with us immediately!”

“Just teleport!” Thundercracker put in. “What are you waiting for?”

“I…” Skywarp screwed up his face like a human trying to hold its breath underwater. His form shimmered, and Starscream briefly glimpsed the outlines of the trees behind him before he snapped back into solid reality.

“He _can’t_ teleport,” Starscream said in sudden realization. “He’s stuffed his subspace with so much gold that… Skywarp! Empty your subspace! Drop the gold— _all_ of it—now!”

As if to emphasize his point, the Aerialbots began to regroup. Starscream watched out of the corner of his visual field as the five mechs transformed and combined to form a single, towering figure: Superion. The figure drew a massive gun from its subspace and took aim at Skywarp.

“Drop the gold,” it ordered coolly.

Skywarp glanced from the weapon to the gold, then up at Starscream and Thundercracker. Starscream transformed. “Do it!” he snarled. “As your leader, I—”

Skywarp dropped the gold. 

The dense metal bricks hit the ground with a resonant ‘thud.’ Skywarp stared at the pile for a moment. 

“And the rest of it,” Starscream prodded. “Come _on!”_

Skywarp fixed him with a defiant stare. “Will you give me back my stash?”

“Your… what? No! Don’t be ridiculous! Empty your subspace, and—”

“Then no.” Skywarp did that thing with his face again, the thing that made him look as if he was about to explode. His form rippled, becoming transparent, and then—with an ominous noise that reminded Starscream of rusty hinges being wrenched apart—he vanished. Several gold bricks appeared in midair, apparently having been dislodged from his subspace. They hovered for a moment and then, having seemingly rediscovered gravity, plummeted to the grass below. 

“Where is he?” Thundercracker asked.

“He’s…” Starscream glanced around, but Skywarp had not reappeared. A thick beam of energy sliced through the air beside him, so close that it singed his wingtip as he dodged away. Superion was firing at them. “Wherever he is, he’s not here.” Starscream transformed back into his jet mode and took off into the sky, Thundercracker close behind. “Let’s make sure we find him before _they_ do.”


	3. Pocket Valley

“They’re gonna kill him,” Thundercracker said, not for the first time.

“They can’t,” Starscream pointed out, also not for the first time. “If they kill him, they’ll lose all the gold that’s in his subspace.”

“Why would Autobots care about that?”

“Because the humans do, and Autobots always put humans ahead of anything else.” It was a baffling, if occasionally useful tendency. If one wished for the Autobots to see things a certain way, one had only to threaten a human. Sadly, Starscream and Thundercracker had left human settlements behind a while ago. They were flying above a mountain range, and the only visible sign that humans even existed on this planet was a haze of brown smog, indicating a city just beyond the horizon.

“I don’t think he’s here,” Thundercracker said at length.

Starscream groaned. “What do you _mean,_ he isn’t here? You said you could sense him through your bond!”

“Yeah, but it was just a blip,” Thundercracker replied. “He might have teleported here, then vopped away again. Somewhere else, I mean.”

“And you’re not picking anything up?”

“Nah. Either he’s blocking me, or…” Thundercracker let the thought hang. 

Starscream was just as glad. This was already bringing up enough memories. Memories of flying above this wretched planet, searching endlessly for someone who couldn’t be found. It was getting to be a pattern; one he’d just as soon break.

“Um. Starscream?”

“What?”

“There’s something else I was thinkin' about.”

“Yes?” Starscream could already tell he wouldn’t like it.

“When he teleported, did it sound… weird to you?”

“Weird?”

“Yeah. Like… not the usual ‘vop’ sound. More like… I dunno. Something breaking.”

So it _hadn’t_ been Starscream’s imagination. Frag.

“Um. Scream?”

“Yes—what?”

“D’you think it’s possible he didn’t make it? Like… could he be stuck in the middle of teleporting?”

Starscream stopped flying and transformed. Thundercracker did too. They stared at each other.

“Are you serious?” The thought of Skywarp stuck in some kind of limbo between two teleportation coordinates was appalling.

“Look, I dunno,” Thundercracker said with an anxious shrug. “You’re the gee… scientist. Tell me it isn’t possible, and I’ll believe you.”

“It’s… not,” Starscream said, though with more conviction than he felt. He didn’t _want_ it to be possible. There were too many other horrifying potentialities crowding his mind. Images of Skywarp re-materializing inside solid rock, for example. He didn’t need more nightmare fuel. “We’ll find him,” he said determinedly, transforming back into his jet form. Thundercracker followed suit, resuming his standard ‘perch’ position above Starscream’s left wing.

“If you say so,” Thundercracker muttered, and for once, Starscream regretted being Trineleader. Thundercracker already thought this was Starscream’s fault. What if it was? And what if they couldn’t find Skywarp?

“They’re gonna kill him,” Thundercracker muttered, bringing the conversation full circle. Starscream stifled a growl, and was about to shut off his comm when Thundercracker suddenly exclaimed, “Hey! Down there!”

“Down where?”

Thundercracker transformed and pointed at a mountainside. “There. Something yellow. D'you see it?”

Starscream transformed and flew to hover beside Thundercracker, squinting in the direction indicated. Sure enough, something was glinting against the backdrop of a mountain meadow. Something _gold._ Starscream dove toward it and scooped it from the tall grass. It was a gold brick. Starscream did a scan of the mountainside, his sensors tuned to detect gold, and spotted a second brick further up the mountain. “Well, what do you know?” he said, levitating toward it. “There really is a yellow brick road!”

"A what?”

“Never mind.”

Near the mountain’s summit, they discovered a third brick. It had dropped from above, shearing a branch from a sturdy mountain shrub on its way down. The broken branch was pointing over the lip of what appeared to be a hole in the mountaintop. It wasn’t a volcano, as far as Starscream could tell. It looked more like a pocket valley, formed by the collapse of an underground cavern in the far distant past. Its nearly vertical sides were covered in a thick growth of shrubbery and wildflowers. A thicket of trees hid the floor of the depression from view, but not from Starscream’s scanners. He was picking up gold; a _lot_ of it. Starscream raised a finger to his lips, motioning for silence as he stepped from the edge. Thundercracker followed without a word. They descended as quietly as their antigravs would allow and landed among the trees. 

::Seems like a good hiding spot,:: Thundercracker remarked over comms.

::If you enjoy coffins,:: Starscream replied, glaring upward at the small, roughly circular patch of sky above them. That was the only way out, and it would be all too easy to block it off. He could only hope they’d lost the Aerialbots, because if not, they were as good as dead. 

::Hey,:: Thundercracker said, interrupting Starscream’s morbid train of thought. ::Do you hear something?::

Starscream listened. At first all he heard was the trill of birdsong, the rustle of leaves, and a distant, musical sound that might have been water. But a shift of the wind brought another sound to his attention, and he realized this must have been what Thundercracker meant. It was a low, gravelly voice, singing off-key.

“Skywarp!” 

Starscream forgot all about stealth. He broke into a run, smashing through a stand of poplars to reach the source of the voice. If he’d heard right—if Skywarp was _singing_ —he must be okay. Mustn’t he? The last of the poplars gave way under his assault, and he found himself at the edge of a clear, sparkling pool of water. A spring. Beyond that, sprawled on the grassy shore, was Skywarp. He’d picked the worst possible spot, at least from a strategic perspective. The sun, just past its zenith, was shining directly on him. It was also shining directly on the gold. And there was rather a _lot_ of gold. It was heaped all around him, and he was lying on a carpet of the stuff, his dark wings draped limply over the pile as if to hide it. He’d clasped his hands over his belly, which looked suspiciously distended, and he gave no sign of having noticed either Starscream or Thundercracker.

“I want somethin' sticky an' sweet,” he intoned, grinning up at the sky. “Don’t want a trick, want somethin' to eat. Wish Halloween wasn’t just one night; then we’d have candy all the time. I want cannndy! I want cannndy! I want can—”

“Warp!” Thundercracker leaped over the pool and made a grab for Skywarp, who sat up, optics wide. 

“Yikes!” Skywarp's form went transparent, his outlines rippling like heat-shimmers on a hot day, and Thundercracker’s hand slipped through his arm. Skywarp re-solidified. He glanced down at himself with a look of surprise, as if wondering why he hadn’t teleported, and then vanished in a puff of thick dark smoke. “Trick or treat!” he shouted, his footsteps pounding as he attempted to run away. 

Starscream lunged into his path. He couldn’t see Skywarp through all the smoke—those smoke-bombs were highly effective, a detached part of his mind noted—but he could track his movements easily with all the noise he was making. He made a grab for Skywarp. His hand connected with something solid, but it slipped away with another blast of that awful, hinge-wrenching sound he’d heard earlier. He swore.

“Skywarp, you idiot! If you _dare_ teleport again, I'm going to _personally—”_

He never got to finish the threat because something big and solid smashed into him just then, flinging him backwards. He landed on a hard surface with something almost unimaginably heavy pinning him down. Something that felt a lot like…

“Oh, frag—Skywarp?”

As the smoke cleared, he found he was lying underneath his Trinemate, who was flailing about in an apparently futile attempt to rise. Starscream flailed too, because Skywarp weighed at least twice as much as Starscream thought he should, and with every movement, he was grinding Starscream further down into the muddy soil. Thundercracker came to both their rescue, capturing Skywarp around his waist.

“Nice try, moron,” he said, hauling Skywarp up. He paused with a grunt. “Whoa. How many of those bricks did you _eat?”_

If Skywarp had an answer for that question, it was lost in the tinny whine of laserfire. A beam zipped past Thundercracker’s shoulder and bit into the mud beside Starscream’s head. “Surrender, Decepticons!” someone shouted from above. With a groan of resignation, Starscream craned his neck to look up, past his struggling Trinemates, to the rim of the pocket valley. There, as he might have predicted, were all five of the Aerialbots, along with the unwelcome bonus presence of Skylynx. This would not go well. 

“We… surrender!” Starscream choked, as loudly as the weight on his chest would allow. He dropped his head back to the mud and stared at the sky, dimly aware of a throbbing, pulsating ache behind his optics.


	4. Electromagnet

The throbbing grew worse over the next few hours as the Autobots repeatedly questioned Starscream and his Trine about the gold. Optimus Prime and his lackeys seemed convinced that Megatron wanted the gold for some undisclosed, but surely dire purpose. Oddly, and despite Skywarp’s obvious gluttony, none of them seemed to guess that the purpose might be culinary. Starscream refused to say anything. He hoped Skywarp and Thundercracker had the sense to do likewise, but he had no way of knowing since the Autobots had been smart enough to question them separately, in shielded detention cells that prevented them from using their comms to confer with one another or call for help. He had to hand it to the Autobots; they were learning. 

Eventually his cell door opened and his two Trinemates stumbled in, shoved by a pair of Dinobots. Starscream lunged for the door, but it slammed shut. The two colossal lizards, who seemed to take their role as guards with utmost seriousness, eyed him with a smug air before they sauntered off down the passageway, tails swinging in time with their heavy, ponderous strides. Starscream glared after them.

“Why are they putting us together?” he demanded.

“I dunno, why wouldn’t they?” Thundercracker stumbled as Skywarp lurched against him, groaning. “Come on Screamer, gimme a hand, will ya?”

“It doesn’t make sense,” Starscream muttered, seizing Skywarp’s other arm. He nearly let go again when a feverish heat imprinted itself on his palms. "He’s burning up!”

“Yup,” Thundercracker agreed. “Got the gold-sweats.”

“Frag it to the Pit, Skywarp! How much of that slag did you _eat?”_

“Trick-or-treat, trick-or-treat,” Skywarp chanted, “trick-or-treat we say! If you don’t have treats for us, we’ll never go awaaaa—ay!” 

“C’mon, Warp,” Thundercracker urged. “Just a few more steps.” They shuffled forward, but Skywarp tripped, his foot striking sparks from the edge of one of the floor-tiles. He lost his balance and plowed face-first into the wall where he remained for several moments before sliding to his knees.

“Hmmm, coooool,” Skywarp purred, rubbing his cheek against the metal bulkhead. “Niiiice.”

“I suppose that answers my question,” Starscream muttered, running a finger beneath the edge of Skywarp’s bowed helm. His digit came away with a thin golden sheen. Starscream sighed. “Actually, I guess it answers _all_ my questions. They couldn’t get anything useful out of Skywarp in his current state, so they’re hoping that by putting the three of us together, we’ll talk about something more informative.” 

“Well, they’ll be waiting a while,” Thundercracker said as he sank down beside Skywarp, looping an arm around him and pulling him away from the wall. Skywarp curled into his side, shivering and moaning softly.

“Belly hurts,” Skywarp complained.

“I’ll bet,” Starscream said unsympathetically. “Serves you right.”

“An’ they took my treats away,” Skywarp continued, his tone mournful. “Even what I had in my subspace.”

“They searched your subspace?” Starscream wasn’t surprised. The Autobots had searched his subspace too, but Starscream kept anything useful or potentially interesting in a secret partition within his subspace, one which only the most experienced hacker could have hoped to access. He knew they’d find it eventually, but he was hoping to be out of here before it came to that. Not that things were looking especially hopeful right now.

“Too bad they couldn’t take what’s in your belly,” Thundercracker murmured. Skywarp burrowed into him with an anguished groan, and Thundercracker drew him closer, raising a hand to stroke one of his intakes. “Dumb-aft.”

Starscream snorted. “He’ll be lucky if he gets out of this with nothing worse than a case of the sweats.”

Thundercracker grunted in agreement.

Starscream prowled to the door and peered out through the bars, scowling at the empty corridor. There were several detention cells in the Autobot brig, but all the others stood empty. As one might expect, Starscream supposed. The blast-doors at the end of the hall were sealed with a heavy locking mechanism which Starscream could have made quick work of, if only he’d had his null-ray. Sadly, he did not. The Autobots had confiscated his rifles, along with all their other weapons, and they had not neglected to remove his null-ray’s master power-relay. Without it, the weapon was useless. 

Of course, getting past that door would only land them face-to-snout with several huge, highly zealous robo-lizards. Starscream didn’t like their odds against the Dinobots even at the best of times, and he and his Trinemates were hardly at their best today. He sagged against the wall, careful not to touch the bars, and glared. Mostly at Skywarp, but occasionally also at the door at the end of the passage. 

Perhaps he dozed. He’d been known to fall into a stupor that resembled sleep when he was trying to work out a problem. In the far distant past, there’d been someone to rouse him from that state. Someone with large, warm hands, who would take him by the shoulders and gently guide him to the nearest chair. Or, better yet, would effortlessly carry him to a berth that smelled of rain-clouds and spent passion and—

A loud, metallic ‘thunk’ jolted Starscream from his reverie. He peered down the length of the corridor to where the blast-doors had cycled open, and had to re-set his optics several times. He’d been half in a dream, a dream which had taken his thoughts down familiar and dangerous pathways, and now the embodiment of that dream was walking toward him, large as life. So large, in fact, that he’d had to angle his massive wings so that their tips would not scrape against the ceiling. His large, presumably warm hands were holding a tray upon which rested three small energon cubes. The one in the middle glowed a slightly purple shade, while the other two were blue.

The towering figure paused before their cell and crouched, just slightly, to insert the tray into a receptacle in the wall beside the door. There was a soft hum, as if the contents of the tray were being scanned. Starscream suspected that was exactly what _was_ happening. Finally, a small door slid open on his side of the wall, and he was able to remove the energon cubes before the tray retracted again. 

“I see they’ve got you on rations duty,” Starscream remarked acidly. “An excellent use of your intellect. You certainly picked the right side, Skyfire.”

“I asked for this duty,” Skyfire countered with a smile. “The purple cube is for Skywarp. It contains a medication which should ease his discomfort.”

“Or kill him,” Starscream shot back. “How do I know these aren’t poisoned?”

“You don’t. You’ll just have to trust that our side of the war doesn’t operate that way.”

“And what would _you_ know about how your side operates? You’ve only been _in_ the war for—what, two Earth years?”

“About that,” Skyfire replied with an affable shrug. His gaze was warm; dangerously so, and that soft, clean rain-smell was wafting through the bars. Starscream caught himself leaning forward, flooding his senses with it. “You should be careful,” Skyfire added, pitching his voice to an intimate rumble intended for Starscream’s audials alone. “These bars are magnetized, you see. _Electro_ -magnetized.”

He turned and strode away, humming. Starscream stared after him until he disappeared through the doors, then shook himself. The bars, while energized with a field that would shock anyone foolish enough to touch them, were _not_ electro-magnetized. If they had been, he—and his Trinemates, and the Dinobots—would be stuck to them. Which meant that it was code for something. Something Starscream would find hidden in plain sight, just like the electromagnet he’d once stashed aboard an oil platform so that Skyfire could escape the Decepticons.

Starscream swept his gaze over the stark, featureless walls of their prison, then settled, finally, on a floor-tile. A floor-tile which sat ever so slightly askew within its housing. A floor-tile Skywarp had tripped over. 

“Thundercracker!” Starscream lobbed the purple energon cube at his Trinemate, who caught it deftly. “Make him drink that.”

“But—”

“I don’t care if you have to force it down his throat; just do it.”

“Yeah, but what if it’s poison?”

“It’s not!”

“How do you know?”

“I just—” Starscream broke off as the lights went out. All of them. An alarm wailed in the distance as water began pouring from the ceiling. There was a shout from the far end of the corridor, followed by an animalistic bellow which could only have come from one of the Dinobots. Starscream dove at the loose floor tile, scrabbling with his fingers until it came loose. When he pried it up, his hand closed around a familiar object. The master power-relay for his null-ray. Within seconds, he’d snapped it into his cockpit canopy where it belonged, and applied a hefty dose of null-ray to the mechanism that was holding their cage shut.

The bars hissed open. He seized Skywarp's arm, hauling him up with his full strength. Thundercracker was helping from the other side, and even Skywarp seemed somewhat cooperative. Whether that meant he’d drunk the energon concoction or his survival instincts were simply kicking in was a matter for debate, but Starscream didn’t have time to worry about that. He kicked the floor-tile back into place as he and his Trinemates dashed into the corridor—and straight into the path of a charging brontosaurus.

“Me Sludge stop Decepticons!” she roared, bearing down on them at terrifying speed. “Stomp Decepticons flat!”

“Oh frag,” Starscream muttered, priming his null-ray. This was about to become the briefest escape ever attempted. His weapon might slow the Dinobot, but there was no chance of stopping her. She was literally going to stomp them flat. But then Skywarp was suddenly in front of him, holding something in one hand. Something that glowed bright orange. It inflated and became… a pumpkin. An energon pumpkin. Skywarp, ever the craftsmech where it came to pranks, had even taken the time to give it a silly-looking face with grinning jaws and glowing yellow eyes. It was among the more ridiculous things Starscream had ever seen, but Sludge froze, staring at the object as Skywarp bounced it on his palm—once, then twice, and then lobbed it at her. The gourd exploded, covering her face with sticky orange resin. She roared, shaking her head to dislodge the stuff, and Thundercracker grabbed Starscream’s wrist. 

“C’mon,” he said.

They dodged past Sludge and rushed for the doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a). A friend of mine heacanons all the Dinobots (with the exception of Grimlock) as female, and for some reason that idea worked its way into my brain. My Sludge has taken it on wholeheartedly, and seems much happier with female pronouns. Who am I to argue with a giant, stampeding robo-lizard?
> 
> b). Curious about the electromagnet? Check out my story [Entombed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26205967) for more sneaky rescuing.


	5. The Gold-Sweats

“Fly?” Hook broke stride and gave Starscream an incredulous look. “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation. Skywarp is lucky he can walk, let alone fly.”

“I realize _that,”_ Starscream said irritably, falling in step beside the Decepticons’ chief medic as he resumed walking down a corridor of the _Victory’s_ crew deck. “I’m just looking for an ETA. That’s all.”

After their escape, they had sneaked Skywarp back onto the _Victory_ without drawing undue attention to themselves. Hook had agreed to let Skywarp recover in his quarters rather than the medbay, which had been helpful, though it was only a matter of time before Megatron started asking questions. Eventually, the old bucket-head was going to decide that he simply _had_ to have an airstrike. When that happened, it would be Starscream’s neck on the line if all Seekers weren’t ready to scramble.

“Look,” Hook said, in the clipped tones of a medic nearing the limits of his patience. “The best I can offer is that Skywarp will be ready to fly once ninety percent of the gold has left his system. But that could take up to two weeks.”

“Two _weeks?”_ Starscream let out a string of curses, which Hook duly ignored. They were nearing the door of the quarters which Skywarp and Thundercracker shared. Hook politely raised his fist to knock, but Starscream shoved past him and barged in. He regretted doing so almost immediately.

Skywarp was sitting in a shallow tray positioned on the floor between Skywarp’s own berth and the one he typically shared with Thundercracker. It was easy to see why. He was literally dripping gold. Liquid metal was leaking from his joints, his vents, his transformation seams, and—it seemed—from every other orifice. It was even flowing, like tears, from the corners of his optics. Gold had pooled at the bottom of the tray, leaving him sitting in a puddle of what was, effectively, his own sweat.

“Ugh.” Starscream crinkled his nasal assembly. “How revolting!”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Thundercracker said with a shake of his head. He was kneeling behind Skywarp, using a rag to clean his gold-streaked wings. This appeared to be an impossible task. Every time he cleared some gold away, more came pouring out to replace it.

“That’s very good,” Hook said in approval. “If you keep his transformation seams as clear as possible, the gold will escape from his system much more easily.”

“But I don’t _want_ it to,” Skywarp complained.

“Too bad,” Starscream snapped. “I expect you back in the air within the week.” Hook shot him a glare, which _he_ duly ignored. 

“How are you feeling?” Hook asked, crouching to run a medical scanner over Skywarp’s frame. 

Skywarp shrugged. “Okay, I guess. What did you put in the gold, though? It tastes terrible now.”

“Nothing,” Hook replied, his gaze never leaving the scanner. “What you’re experiencing is a common side-effect of gold-poisoning. You might even say it’s your body’s way of protecting you from your own questionable habits.”

“Gold tastes bad to you now?” Starscream asked from the doorway. He didn’t want to get any closer to that puddle of sweat than he absolutely had to. 

Skywarp nodded unhappily. “It looks sooo tasty, but when I try to drink it—”

 _“Drink_ it? It’s your _sweat.”_

“So? It’s better than letting it go to waste.”

“Trust me, Warp; it _is_ disgusting,” Thundercracker put in.

“It probably won’t taste bad forever,” Hook assured him. “Once your system has returned to a state of balance, your taste-receptors will probably do the same.”

“But in the meantime,” Starscream said, “I guess I can safely leave _this_ by your bedside, without having to worry about you putting on any additional weight.” He drew a small bag of golden ore—the very bag he’d originally confiscated from Skywarp—from his subspace, and tossed it on Skywarp’s bunk.

 _“Now_ you give it back,” Skywarp said with a pout, though he eyed the bag with naked avarice, as if he was thinking of trying it anyway. 

“Yeah, I’ll be taking care of that,” Thundercracker said, whisking the bag into his subspace. “I’ll make sure he gets some when he’s _ready._ And that he doesn’t overindulge,” he added, giving Skywarp a stern look.

Skywarp folded his arms over his gold-slick chest, glaring. Mostly at Starscream. “What are you even doing here?”

“Can’t a Trineleader check up on his Trinemates?”

“Watch out,” Thundercracker warned. “We might start thinking you care.”

“Don’t be absurd. I was merely ensuring that Megatron does not hear of our little... adventure,” Starscream retorted. “Which means making sure the two of you remain alive and intact.”

“Whatever you say, Screamer.”

“I just have one question,” Starscream said, fixing his gaze on Skywarp. “I thought the Autobots searched your subspace.”

“They did.”

"How did you keep them from finding your pranking supplies?”

Starscream only asked because Skywarp’s pranks had saved their afts. After they’d gotten past Sludge, Skywarp had used one of his smoke-bombs to distract the two other Dinobots guarding the detention area. After that, most of the Autobots had been in such a frenzy to deactivate the sprinkler system that they hadn’t even noticed the escaping prisoners. Those who had noticed had swiftly fallen prey to Starscream’s null-ray. Or to the reverberations of Thundercracker’s sonic booms, which were deafening at close range. Or—in the notable case of Powerglide—to one of Skywarp’s fake snakes. Which had proved highly effective as a tripping hazard.

“Oh,” Skywarp said with a smile. “They did _find_ them.”

“But they let you keep it all?”

“Noooot exactly.” Skywarp leaned back against Thundercracker, coating his chest in golden slime. Thundercracker made a face, but draped his arms around Skywarp anyway. Skywarp grinned. “The Autobots were all so distracted by the gold that I was able to slide a few things back into my subspace.”

“And naturally you chose the exploding pumpkins,” Thundercracker said. “Priorities and all.”

“Hey, ‘tis the season.” Skywarp smirked. “But you know the part we’re _not_ talkin’ about? The electro-magnetized part.”

“The what?” Hook asked.

“Oh, nothin'. Just the way Starscream busted into the detention holding area and kicked the door open like a ninja and grabbed his null-ray straight from the jaws of one of those Dinobots—”

“Yes, well,” Starscream interrupted. “We simply do what we must, don’t we?”

“Yeaaaaah.” Skywarp playfully flicked gold in his direction. “It’s got nothin’ to do with that picture you keep in your lab.”

“Picture?” Hook looked nonplussed.

“Schematic,” Starscream corrected. “Of the Ark. It’s how I knew where the Autobots were keeping the null-ray. Obviously.” He turned for the door, but Skywarp called after him. 

“Know what the best part of all this is?”

“I shudder to ask.”

“The two of you guys comin’ to my rescue,” Skywarp said, glancing warmly between Starscream and Thundercracker. “Nice to see you gettin’ along for once.”

Starscream scowled at them both, and hastily made his exit. He went straight to his lab. If anything good could be said to have come of this, he was at least getting some uninterrupted lab-time. Finally. 

“Now,” he said, sinking down at his workstation. “Where _was_ I?” He called up the data-set he’d been analyzing when Thundercracker had invaded, and stared at it for a while. Equations swirled through his mind like wisps of smoke, but his gaze kept drifting to the holocube. Finally, he picked it up and gazed at the two figures pictured within. A silver-and-red Seeker perched on the shoulder of a mech so huge that his wings blocked the stars. Starscream pressed his lips together, sighed, and opened a comm channel. A very old one. So ancient that no one, even Soundwave, would have been able to break its encryption. 

“You _idiot,”_ he began.

A soft laugh greeted his remark. “Are you all safely away?”

“Yes, but you took a stupid risk.”

“Perhaps. Or, perhaps, I prevented a retaliatory attack by the Decepticons. I imagine that Megatron would have wanted the three of you back, eventually.”

“If only to prevent us from revealing secrets,” Starscream reluctantly agreed.

“So perhaps it could be said that I took care of a dicey situation in a way that caused the least amount of harm.”

“Which doesn’t make you any less of an idiot.”

“Possibly not.” A pause. “How’s Skywarp doing?”

“You’re changing the subject.”

“Yes.”

“Whatever.” Starscream shrugged. Then, remembering Skyfire couldn’t see him, added, “He’ll live.”

“Good. And I trust he’s learned his lesson about stealing gold?”

Starscream snorted. 

“Thought as much.” Skyfire chuckled. “Thanks for not hurting anyone.”

“Apart from Powerglide,” Starscream pointed out.

“I think it was only his pride.”

“We would have, if we’d needed to. Hurt people.”

“I understand. But you didn’t.”

Silence fell between them. Not an uncomfortable silence; just companionable.

“So it’s Halloween tonight,” Starscream finally said. “I don’t suppose you’re free?”

“Why? Are you going to scare me?”

“I could.” Starscream thought for a moment, then rattled off a set of coordinates.

A beat of hesitation. “Isn’t that where you got captured?” 

“You’ll like it,” Starscream promised. It wasn’t as if the Aerialbots would be there standing guard, and besides, the pocket valley was private and rather beautiful. Plus, tonight was a full moon. He wanted to see Skyfire by the side of that spring, wet and gleaming in the moonlight. “Bring all your tricks,” he said, “and I’ll bring treats.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The holocube in Starscream's lab also plays a role in my stories [Salvage](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223097) and  
> [Plague Theory](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8436835). Check 'em out for more scientific misadventures!


End file.
